Three Easy Steps to Effective Communication in Your Relationships

Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there. Whether it be romantic or just friendly, we’ve all faced problems with communication in our relationships. Sometimes when the communication begins to lack, we lose those relationships. Well, we’re here to make sure that doesn’t happen to you with these three easy steps that are guaranteed to help guide you toward better communication!

1. Handle your conflicts in person and not over text

This may seem like it’s not a big problem but it’s become a habit for people of our generation. Our whole lives basically revolve around social media and texting nowadays and therefore we tend to take our conflicts there too.  How many times have you been scrolling through twitter and come across a tweef (twitter fight) among people or you’ve left your friend’s house angry and decided to hash is out over text later? I know it’s happened to me. When you aren’t face-to-face with someone, it’s easier for your feelings to elevate to the point where you might start to say things you don’t mean. Texts can also be taken out of context very easily and that can result in the conflict getting worse instead of getting resolved. If you handle the problem in person, miscommunication is less likely to occur and you are more likely to come to a resolution sooner. Wanting to handle conflicts in person also shows the other person that you care about them and your relationship enough to take the time to want to work things out. I think we can all agree that when something is communicated to us in person, it has much more meaning than something said over text.

 2.Understand how body language can affect communication 

Communication through body language is a very important part of a relationship and being able to understand your partners use of it can be key to improving your communication. If you know that your partner or friend folds their arms when they’re upset, you’ll be able to recognize when something you’re saying is hurting them and you’ll know to stop. A study was once performed by a man by the name of Scheflen where he analyzed what he called “quasi-courtship behaviors” in romantic relationships which include courtship readiness, preening, positioning cues, and actions of appeal (The Process of Communication pg 139). Basically, these are all body movements used by men and women to show flirtatious behavior or signs that they want to be intimate. If you are able to understand all these behaviors from your partner, these things will be able to be communicated easily and effectively among the two of you. It is also important to realize how your body language can affect your partner. If you are always avoiding eye contact or rolling your eyes, your partner may begin to feel like you don’t care about what they have to say and they might stop communicating things to you. Avoiding these situations and showing your partner through not only your words, but your body language, will make communication among the two of you much smoother. When most people think of communication, they think about the verbal part of it, but understanding the effect that body language has can really be a step in the right direction in terms of effective communication.

3. Be brutally honest, even when you might not want to be

My mom has always told me that honesty is the key to a healthy relationship and boy was she right. Sometimes, you may think that telling a little white lie would be much easier than telling the truth but if you want to have effective communication, you have to be honest. If something is bothering you, it’s important to explain it to your partner so that you can work on it together. Keeping your feelings bottled up will eventually end up getting to you and you may slowly begin to draw back from the relationship without even realizing it. It is also important that you show your partner that they can be open and honest with you. Make sure that they feel comfortable talking to you about their feelings and be able to realize that the truth will hurt sometimes, but it will always be better than hearing a lie. If there is not honesty in your relationship, effective communication will really be lacking.

Ahhh, the silent treatment, something we are all too familiar with and we’ve probably all used at
one point in time. While it may seem like an easy out for some situations, it can actually be
really toxic in relationships and frustrating to the person on the receiving end. You can’t possibly
know how the other person is feeling if they’re giving you the silent treatment and vice versa. If
you chose to use the silent treatment and never explain to your partner what is wrong, the person
will never know what they can do to fix it and nothing will get resolved, leaving you and your
partner hurt and upset. This could end up putting a divide up between the two of you which is
something no one wants to see happen their relationships. Effective communication starts with
being honest and communicating your feelings and the silent treatment is not the answer. Be
comfortable having those tough conversations with your partner and make sure they are
comfortable with it too. Even Willy Wonka knows that the silent treatment is NOT a
communication skill. He would never use the silent treatment on the oompa loompas so you
shouldn’t either!

Photo Credit to imgflip.com

The key takeaways from the YouTube video, “Build don’t break relationships with communication” I recognized were how the different colored “dots” symbolized different communication styles. In these four different communication styles each “dot” has their own definition of how they communicate. In contrast, these four different communication styles you can be more than one of them, and none of these styles are better or less than the other. The first “dot” I will talk about is the “purple dot”. The “purple dot” people tend to talk a lot, high energy, their thought process is always moving, and they are curious about the question in any interaction with another person. A “red dot” person is shy, does not say a word until they know they are right, and usually talk in one-word replies. The third “dot” I will talk about is the “yellow dot”. A “yellow dot” person will turn anything you say to them into pictures in side of their mind, very organized, and are always on time. The last “dot” I will talk about is the “blue dot”. This person is very sensitive, like hands-on things and they want everything to be right. They have to feel comfortable before doing an assignment whatever it maybe. All of these four different communication styles can be presented in family/friends you may know and overlap in some individuals as well. It is very interesting how such a small exercise with colored “dots” can explain someone’s communication style and realize that communication styles can overlap in some people. We are all very unique and different in our own special way. Of course, the question that is on all of our minds now is, “Which “dot” or communication style am I?”. 

Link: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5181851/

If anybody is in a relationship or has been in a relationship, then you know it’s not all roses. Sometimes you and your significant other reach a disagreement about something. Conflict is a natural thing and likely to happen in every relationship at some point. That is why we created this blog, to share with you, information about this topic and give advice.

I stumbled across an article about conflict in relationships and thought that I would share it with you all. The article is titled “What Type of Communication during conflict is. Beneficial for Intimate Relationships?”. This article brings up the many possible factors that could lead to a conflict within an intimate relationship. Some of these factors include but aren’t limited to:

• Unmet expectations
• Intimacy
• Time spent together
• Financial difficulties
• Discrepancies in equity and power
• Domestic and family responsibilities
• Parenting
• Jealousy
• Bad habits

As you can see, there are many ways that a conflict can be brought about, and these are definitely not all of the possible causes. The article makes sure to highlight the fact that, even if your relationship seems wonderful and is stable, it is still going to face some rough patches at times. Also, dysfunctional communication can be the most damaging to a relationship. That is why there needs to be a specific type of communication depending on the context of the disagreement. Some types of communication work better for others than they would for you and vise versa. I would like to bring to your attention a chart that the article had included, which I will put below.

Now, you are probably looking at this chart with a bit of a puzzled look. I will try to explain what this chart is telling us about communication. The figure shows different types of communication in two dimensions. The vertical shows negative versus positive communication, which we went over a bit before, and also specifies opposition versus cooperation. The horizontal specifies whether the communication is direct or indirect. This then creates four types of communication, one in each quarter. Each type mentioned has a time and a place where it I beneficial and a time and place where it is harmful. It is important to figure out where they all fall into place in your own personal relationships.

Although scientists and researchers can make assumptions about relationships, no one knows your relationship better than yourself and your partner. Also, something that works for one couple may not work for another. Researchers themselves even have opposing opinions regarding relationships. I hope this article was able to help you and give you valuable information on conflict in relationships. Make sure to check out our other posts!